i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
