I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
