He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My bed smells like the plague
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
