when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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