What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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