Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry