so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life