The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no