i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize