I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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