Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
