I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
