My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
