shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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