Say something about gay babies.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
