Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
