Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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