Sponge bath it is.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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