When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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