He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
