the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
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I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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