going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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