I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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