Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
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she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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