just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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