dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
