Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
