You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
