Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
