I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
