I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
