I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
