My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
my poor anus
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
