let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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