i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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