Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
