Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I want her autograph on my taint
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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