Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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