I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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