to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
