Just fell off a train. Bad.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Randomize
