I've blown a few things in my day
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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