I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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