Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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