I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
