Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
