Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize