I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
