I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
