Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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