Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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