question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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