I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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