Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Boobs speak an international language.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
