He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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