You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
