I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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