If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My ass is underappreciated
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
