brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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