I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
