I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
