found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
