do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
