P.S. I can't hear my feet
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
