Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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