Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
