her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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