Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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