i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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