You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
