it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
